The insanity begins.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Another mindless rant. Again.
About... Drumroll please!
*dun dun dun dun dun dun*
TWILIGHT!!!
Yes, it's been a constant source for lolx and lulz and extreme fluffyness, what with all the 'I wanna be a vamp coz it's cool!' fangirls, and 'I wanna be a vamp so my girlfriend won't talk about Edward Cul-fucking-len!' not-so-fan boys.
Yes, I admit. I'm obsessed. Not over the series of
novels,
books,
fiction, written words mind you. Its the people. I'm obsessed over the race of creatures obsessed over Twilight. Like what Fraken Dr. Stein and Szayel would have said... "They make for... interesting test subjects. I've seen nothing of the like before..." Maybe since Harry Potter, but that's understandable. HP has been around for far FAR longer than the two buggers.
But anywayx, back to the new inhabitants of planet Earth. I've named, together with my scientist buddies of course, them Twilight-ians. That the general name of course. Under such a big catergory, we've further classified them into the following: Bella-nians, Edward-ians, Jacob-ians, Alice-ans, Jasper-ians, Carlisle-ans, Esme-ans, Rosalie-ans, Emmett-ians, James-ian. There are quite a number of species defying classification, and they are currently known to us as Swan-ians for the females, and Cullen-ians for the males. There is also a seperate group of them, who do not fit in the description of being a Twilight-ian. Right now, our research shows that they are Homo Sapien, and as such, our cousins, despite their close description with the Twilight-ians.
For our research purposes, we have avoided Wikipedia, and also EncyclodediaDramatica, because they do not fulfill the caterion that we've set. As such, we've gone straight to the tiger's den to check out this phenomena. Of these, Twilight Lexicon and Twilight Saga has been of much help for the younger generation of this new race, and Twilight Moms have also done much, much more then we deserve, in collecting useful data for this important, turn-of-the-century research.
As researchers, we humbly thank you in your willingness to impart information to us. May the scientific world benefit more from people like you.
But, in the course of our research, we've uncovered something new, and to maintain neutrality of the research, we shall included some methods for Homo Sapiens, Anime-ans and native Earth inhabitants in general, ways to protect themselves from Twilight-ians.
As these are protective measures and not offensive measures, we would like to caution users against using such methods carelessly. Insiders have informed us that Twilight-ians are easily prissed and hussy, and are destructive when in large numbers. You have been warned, and we shall be absolved from any and all physical, mental and psychological trauma you go through when using said methods.
- Say evil things to them. About Edward or Bella. Especially about Edward.
- Write up a parody, humor-fic, tragedy or hurt-fic about Twilight.
- Personally insult Twilight on any number of Twilight LJ, Myspace, Friendster, Facebook, tagged, blogger, yahoo, msn groups. Do so in a professional manner, giving a psychological, mental and physical review on the characters, (non-existent) plot, writer, and eventually, the fans themselves.
- Openly diss Twilight, especially if they are in a heated arguement of whether Edward is better, or Jacob is better. Do so by pointing out that Tom Cruise and even Jack Sparrow is more handsome then them.
- Tell them to get a life, read classics. They do so condemn classics like Dracula.
- Grab the book from their hands, throw it on the floor and stomp on it. Make sure your shoe has mud on it. Promptly stare the person down, wipe your shoes on it and walk away. Like Alucard.
- Promptly punch them in the face, (or subtly walk away from their presence if they begin to diss C.S. Lewis. I was so fuck-ing angry over this one. At least he had MORALS.)
- Put on a blank look when preached to by a Twilight-ian. "Um... But WHAT is Twilight?"
- Or conversely, put on a semi-intelligent look and say, "Oh, Twilight! I love them!" And when they gush about it, look confused for a moment, "Oh, you mean that the lights i see between dawn and sunlight have names? Cool!"
- And lastly, deprieve them of anything, anything at all, that is remotely related to Twilight. Even the little time between dawn and sunlight. Even the little clipping under their fluffy pillows of Edward. Even the pictures they draw of him. Everything.
There, more information shall be shared once we have uncovered more of this strange phenomena.
fallenIN
love*with IVAN & WANG YAO @
10:32 PM
