TEMPORARY INSANITY________________________

JASMINE/YUKI-KO

A proud 4B'ian in heart, mind and soul~
Diagnosed with insanity, split personality since 24 Jan 91.
Game, anime, manga, fanfic lover.
Ships YAOI, BL, SHOUNEN-AI in general.

Draws, eats, sleeps, shits, sprouts nonsense, reads.
Sings(?), acts(?), dreams, being a general fucktard.

Wants to open a:
+ Coscafe
+ Orphanage

Wants to be a:
+ Counselling Psychologist
+ Fu Tai Tai(br> + Wife/Mother/Grandmother

Wants to do:
+ Take over the world
+ Experience what it feels like to be a guy for a day
+ Engage in YAOI!!!
+ Get married
+ Have at least 5 kids.
+ Be a goddess XD
+ slimming!
+ Cosplay

Things that she wants to see before she dies:
+ World Peace
+ Reduced Poverty
+ Her kids

Places to see before she dies:
+ Germany
+ Egypt
+ China(historical sites)
+ Italy
+ Russia
+ Japan
+ Thailand
+ Ireland
+ France
+ Museum of Sex XD
+ Benaki Museum(Greece)

Places to see after she dies:
+ Babylon
+ Egpyt
+ Heaven

Questions to ask the GOD(s)/GODDESS(es) in charge after she dies:
+ Who made the world?
+ Who made the pyramids?
+ Are there really life in space?
+ What do they do?
+ Can she have cookies in the afterlife?
+ Can she go and create her own puesdo-world?
+ Can they fall in love with mortals?
+ Are the myths real?
+ Are there really parallel worlds?
+ Do we really create new worlds by just thinking about them?
+ Is the dreamscape a reality, or reality the dreamscape?
+ Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
+ Can someone take her to see the history of the world in its entire-ty, in its exact time?
+ Who was she in her past/pastpast/pastpastpast (etc) life?
+ Why is there a prostate gland in a guy's ass if homo-sex is frowned upon?

TALOS GRYFALCRON

Who am I? Stupid question. Who are you?
Frankly if you want to know, pansy named me Hatsubame Matsurika.
Fuckin' tongue twister, I know.
Kratos would've been cool, 'cept some creature who called himself 'God of War' took it already.
So damn. I've got a female name.

Even though I'm a fuckin' MALE.

But call me Talos anyway.
I'm a fuckin' demon, unfortunately, trapped within a pansy ass mortal, who insists that i do not scar people IRL.
What? You don't like it? THEN FUCKIN' LEAVE ALREADY!
Tch...

About me?
Are you kidding mortal?
There is nothing nice at all to know about me.
I kill pink bunnies and eat them for breakfast.
But, nooooooooooooooooo, my pansy host, decides that bunnies are cute, and should not be eaten.

Who is the pansy?
Tch, Jasmine of course!
18 years of age soon, and she still hasn't grown ANY backbone yet!
Oh the horror!
And I'll let you in on a secret...
She is actually pretty evil on the inside.
Don't tell her i told you.

That's why I choose her.
The potential for evilness.
But like i said, she's too much a pansy and self-conscientious to do anything.

Anyway, a warning for you.(She threatened me to tell you.)
I'm rabid, I'm psycho and I'm not ~~nice~~.
I'll bite anyone i want, and NOBODY can stop me!
Scratch that. Jasmine can.

Tch, self-introduction done.
Can i get on to my fuckin' bashing now?!

The insanity begins.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

19 MAY 08 I know it's the 20th, but nevermind...

I kept away the dog, the bear & the BunBun away today...
I felt that this couldn't go on any longer...
Today, i just wanted to put that fact out of sight, out of mind...

I think i got it wrong, right from the start...
There was, and is, no way that we could ever be together.
So why did i think it would work out in the first place?

I am too insecure in many things.
I prefer to have someone to ask if i'm okay, to care for me.
Not the other way round.

He needed a lot of care...
At first. I don't know how it is for him now.
I don't think i'm the right person for the job.
I can't really take care of myself afterall.
Most of what i say or do, is just a facade.

He deserves better, actually.
I'm in no place to give him advice or anything.
I can't give him what he needs.
There are better people out there,
Who would be able to treat him better.

I want a fairytale relationship...
One that i can just throw my whole heart into, without fear of being hurt.
But each day i look at my phone,
I am reminded how much I've hurt myself both physically and mentally over this.

Now that i think about my feelings...
I feel that i'm a bit selfish in the way i think.
People don't have to conform to me.

Why should they?
They have lives of their own to lead,
And i can't possible expect things to go my way all the time..

The me now is giving me a lot of problems...
I'm experiencing a myraid of feelings that i should not, and must not have experienced.
Too much of myself have been exposed to people...
And the exposure has not been all that good.

I dislike the direction of which i'm actually changing...
Its not good. In fact, i'm changing in the worst of ways.

In fact, i'm afraid of my own thoughts now...
Some of it is just so wrong,
Especially when i think about it in the day, when i'm clearer,
More normal.

So i'm trying to forget...
To forget that i ever tried.
To forget that i ever got hurt, and start over.
As friends, just friends.

Still the same treatment,
But there may be things that i would say 'no' to, now.
Not many, but there will be some.

The transition will be hard, but at least,
Yuki-Ko will be there by my side,
Guiding and pushing me along...

********************

When all is said and done...

I hope that he finds the right person for him.

In fact, i hope that he finds happiness with the one he loves.

No point in dragging this any further, i told myself,

No point in causing any more problems.

There's enough now as it is,

And i really intend to keep this 'family' intact.

Really, in the future i still hope to be friends,

To achieve our dreams together, forever.

I really hope that nothing would come between the 6 of us now,

And i hope that this friendship lasts forever.

Happiness is my wish from now on, today,

No longer shall i be selfish and wish for something else.

Because what's not mine,

Will never be mine,

And there's no use hurting myself and others.

Maybe in the future,

I may find someone else.

Maybe i may not.

Maybe i'll never forget.

But at least i can bury it in the depths of my mind,

And still smile.

fallenINlove*with IVAN & WANG YAO @ 2:18 AM