TEMPORARY INSANITY________________________

The insanity begins.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Do you know how it is....

To be lonely, when at your fingertips
Is someone you'd give everything,

But that someone doesn't want you?

-Hichigo

By unknown

From Fanfiction.Net

fallenINlove*with IVAN & WANG YAO @ 5:42 AM

Monday, May 26, 2008

1 more disappointment to add to my already growing list

Okay, YOU know n I know who i'm talking about and what.
Suffice to say, you have been a very BIG disappointment.
And i mean very BIG.

I don't know what possessed me to believe in you...
I don't know what's going through your mind now,
But really, my impression of you is like...

Going down the drain.

I'm not going to say more, but you better go and 反省反省 again.

WE ARE SO DISAPPOINTED,
AND I AM LOSING TRUST.

****************************************************

I HATE THE WEATHER一下子热，一下子冷... @#$^^^%%$@#%

I already feeling very 烦躁了...
And the weather is not making anything better...

So xianx...
Holiday like not holiday like that,
1st week still have to go to school...

But nevermind xD
3 JULY got something to look forward to!

Coz mummy going to take us to the international book fair at suntec!!! xD
(<3's>Let us pray, for they need whatever that we can give.

孩子，快抓紧妈妈的手

孩子，快抓紧妈妈的手
去天堂的路太黑了
妈妈怕你碰了头
让妈妈陪你走
妈妈怕天堂的路太黑
我看不见你的手
自从倒塌的墙把阳光夺走
我再也看不见你柔情的
孩子，你走吧
前面的路再也没有忧愁
没有读不完的课本
和爸爸的拳头
你要记住，我和爸爸的模样
来生还要一起走
妈妈别担忧
天堂的路有些挤
有很多同学朋友
我们说不哭
哪一个人的妈妈都是我们的妈妈
哪一个孩子都是妈妈的孩子
没有我的日子
你把爱给活的孩子吧
妈妈你别哭
泪光照亮不了我们的路
让我们自己慢慢地走
妈妈，我会记住你和爸爸的模样
记住我们的约定
来生我们一起走

(courtesy of 联合晚报)

Only a month, yet we have been faced with more and more news reports everyday.

Of deaths of children.

Of parents.

Of innocent people who don't deserve to die.

Across the globe,

All over the world.

We sit in front of our TV sets,

Watching tragedy unfold.

Quiet, strong survivors.

Lost, loved ones.

Babies who do not know whats going on.

Grieving.

People grieving.

Children who have lost their mothers, their fathers.

Parents who've lost their children.

People who have lost their friends, family.

Grieving,

Everyone is grieving.

Little tin cans walking around,

With words on them.

People taking their wallets out,

And putting money into the empty, empty boxes.

And yet, the little tin cans remain light.

Little unkind gestures,

Looking at the phone,

Taking a U-turn,

Looking the other way.

The little silver cans are light,

Very light.

Little children pull at their mothers' sleeves,

Asking,

'Mummy, mummy, can I?'

Their mothers shrugging them off,

Saying,

'Here.'

People in uniform,

Digging in wallets for loose change,

And sometimes, a little blue note.

But where did all the office ladies and gentlemen go?

Efforts made by everyone,

To help,

To help the survivors.

Close to 10 million raised,

By Singapore to help them.

Maybe even more,

From those little silver tins.

We are so fortunate,

To be living here,

To be living our lives without worry.

Can we not talk about revolts anymore?

Can we not talk about conflicts anymore?

Can we not talk about independence anymore?

Can we not have wars?

Can we not build anymore weapons?

Nature is already taking its course with us,

Can we channel all our efforts to the people out there,

The people who need our help?

Mother Nature is angry,

She is furious.

Pollution, destruction,

Mother Nature is taking things into its own hands.

Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Epidemics.

Hurricanes, landslides, volcanic eruptions.

Mother Nature is angry that we didn't take care of her,

That we didn't work well together.

Mother Nature is tired of watching us murder each other,

Mother Nature is doing it for us.

Can we work together now?

Can we put aside all our differences to help each other?

One day Mother Nature will turn its eyes to us too.

One day she would reach the rest of us.

One day we will meet the same end.

Will we be able to appease her before this happens?

Will we be able to save others, and ourselves?

Will we be able to love each other when all is done?

Everything is so far away now,

So unreal,

So mythical for us,

For us.

It does not concern us maybe?

But one day,

If we end up like that,

Will there be people willing to help?

The bright silver tins are getting heavier,

But more and more people need our help now.

More and more people are dying with each day,

With each earthquake...

The bright silver tins have to get heavier...

fallenINlove*with IVAN & WANG YAO @ 5:44 AM

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

19 MAY 08 I know it's the 20th, but nevermind...

I kept away the dog, the bear & the BunBun away today...
I felt that this couldn't go on any longer...
Today, i just wanted to put that fact out of sight, out of mind...

I think i got it wrong, right from the start...
There was, and is, no way that we could ever be together.
So why did i think it would work out in the first place?

I am too insecure in many things.
I prefer to have someone to ask if i'm okay, to care for me.
Not the other way round.

He needed a lot of care...
At first. I don't know how it is for him now.
I don't think i'm the right person for the job.
I can't really take care of myself afterall.
Most of what i say or do, is just a facade.

He deserves better, actually.
I'm in no place to give him advice or anything.
I can't give him what he needs.
There are better people out there,
Who would be able to treat him better.

I want a fairytale relationship...
One that i can just throw my whole heart into, without fear of being hurt.
But each day i look at my phone,
I am reminded how much I've hurt myself both physically and mentally over this.

Now that i think about my feelings...
I feel that i'm a bit selfish in the way i think.
People don't have to conform to me.

Why should they?
They have lives of their own to lead,
And i can't possible expect things to go my way all the time..

The me now is giving me a lot of problems...
I'm experiencing a myraid of feelings that i should not, and must not have experienced.
Too much of myself have been exposed to people...
And the exposure has not been all that good.

I dislike the direction of which i'm actually changing...
Its not good. In fact, i'm changing in the worst of ways.

In fact, i'm afraid of my own thoughts now...
Some of it is just so wrong,
Especially when i think about it in the day, when i'm clearer,
More normal.

So i'm trying to forget...
To forget that i ever tried.
To forget that i ever got hurt, and start over.
As friends, just friends.

Still the same treatment,
But there may be things that i would say 'no' to, now.
Not many, but there will be some.

The transition will be hard, but at least,
Yuki-Ko will be there by my side,
Guiding and pushing me along...

********************

When all is said and done...

I hope that he finds the right person for him.

In fact, i hope that he finds happiness with the one he loves.

No point in dragging this any further, i told myself,

No point in causing any more problems.

There's enough now as it is,

And i really intend to keep this 'family' intact.

Really, in the future i still hope to be friends,

To achieve our dreams together, forever.

I really hope that nothing would come between the 6 of us now,

And i hope that this friendship lasts forever.

Happiness is my wish from now on, today,

No longer shall i be selfish and wish for something else.

Because what's not mine,

Will never be mine,

And there's no use hurting myself and others.

Maybe in the future,

I may find someone else.

Maybe i may not.

Maybe i'll never forget.

But at least i can bury it in the depths of my mind,

And still smile.

fallenINlove*with IVAN & WANG YAO @ 2:18 AM

Monday, May 19, 2008

Cosplay rampages xD

The prettiest Neliel-Sama out of millions of cosers out there...
And thats saying a lot, considering there's a lot of 'PRETTIER' ones out there...
Scary...
*shudders*

One of the better Tifas' out there...
But considering how many asian girls love cos-ing Tifa, it isn't actually much of an achievement... but oh well...
She's still very pretty xD
LOL, cute naruto baby, its the same baby from Liing's hp, you know the one in the baby chair?
Can't find baby Sasu though...
Sadded...

Mello n Matt from DN...
XDDXD
Considering that most DN cosers tend to cos L n Raito n Ryuuk(?),
The Mello actually looks crazy...
Hmmm... XD
MATT IS HAWT...
o.o
But is he male or fem?

LOLX!!!
Fems who are beating guys in the LOOKS sector...
REally, girls are getting more and more handsome by the day, and i don't just mean japanese girls btw...
SINGAPOREAN GIRLS too...
O.o
I SHALT TAKE PICCYS NEXT TIME!!!!

LADADA... Pretty bois o.o
They actually exist o.o
...
Too bad that he's not anywhere in our vicinity nehx?

Yuna n Tifa from Final Fantasy...
One of the best Yuna's i've seen, considering the fact that all the rest are American cosers...
'Shudders'
not to say that there aren't good american cosers...
But they leave a lot (I MEAN A LOT) to be desired...
But this Yuna should be like more melancoholy... she isn't supposed to be happy neh?

Can't say that its very nice, but its very good, costume-wise, wig-wise and well... people-wise xD
wELL, THEY are cute and thats great...

O.o Frans from final fantasy...
REALLY! THIS IS THE BEST OF ALL COSERS!!!!!
O.O IT LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE ORIGINAL FRANS!!!
o.o her costume is PER-FECT~
Kx gotta go, or my $5 would fly away lerx...

*sniff

fallenINlove*with IVAN & WANG YAO @ 2:00 AM

Sunday, May 18, 2008

College day 2008

I'm starting to dislike the phone camera now... Samsung phones just have that better quality that Sony Eric phones don't have... oh well xD Despite some of the piccys i had to get rid of, some still survived xD

I hate her camera radar... Can't even get a proper pic of her...
Sheesh... what's wrong with 1 lil pic????

Liing acting as photograher for rebecca after college day... xD
Liing looks cool in a blazer ne?

o.o The guy on the left is Qing liang 'Daddy' n the guy on the right is Albin 'Mummy' xD
I love mummy and daddy!!! xD
JK...
O.o where did, ah gong, ah ma, grandma, n my 2 jie jies go???

Mummy looking very 'shuai'... xDxD Daddy has an extreme loves for anime xD
He enjoys watching anime like SHAMAN KING, NARUTO, BLEACH ETC ETC...
BUT I DISLIKE HIM!!!
Coz he says L ish not good...
N he says Vandread isn't nice...
N he says Saiyuki isn't nice...
N he says Ayashi no Ceres isn't nice...
N he says Gin ish not nice...

HRMPHHHH!
The girl in the pic is my 'ah ma'!
She's a very nice and sweet girl by the name of Cherie...
Kawaii neh?
She's also very fun desu...

Being mesmerised by Kelvin of our club... We all love piano players xD
Liing was captured too neh?
Kelvin was the star... of coz until a brighter one came along...
But no one was complaining ne?
Not even Kelvin, and especially not us... xD
he played very well... xD
Piano players are amazing!!!!
*Applaudes Kelvin and the piano player
There!
The piano player who mesmerized all of us...
NO one wanted to leave for the next part of the college day...
Especially since we probably wun have a chance to hear it again...
xD he played the mario theme song? xD

More and more ushers n Ambassadors crowding around the piano to listen...

O.o thats it, i'm too lazy to update anymore... xD

*goes off to read Soul Eater

fallenINlove*with IVAN & WANG YAO @ 2:51 AM

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Its Her B'dae today...

Its her b'dae today...
I nearly forgot you know...

I wasn't until i reached home...
And i saw all the presents packed and ready...
That i remembered that it is her B'dae...

Gomen ne, i didn't mean to forget...

Mummy and Daddy were very very sad...
Me and my sister too, even though we weren't there in the past...
But we felt for her...

Mummy was comforting herself just now...

"It would have been worst off for her if she had stayed... She'd have had to go through a lot of hardships..."

I heard her say that...
But it wasn't convincing...

She was sad and so was I.
So was Daddy n Ah Xian...

We were so quite just now...
Even though it was so hot,
We all felt as if it was freezing...

Koni-chan, no matter where you are now,
Or who you are now,
I hope that you know that we are praying for you...

Please be happy where ever you are...
Be happy, be free and be youself...

We would have been proud to have you,
But it wasn't meant to be...

Mummy and Daddy misses you...
Me and Ah Xian wants to know you...

Its too late now,
But i hope that in our next life we would be mother, father, and sisters again...

Happy 18th B'dae,
慧诗姐姐...

fallenINlove*with IVAN & WANG YAO @ 6:03 AM

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

LE GASPE!
Too long never update lerx...
Gomen ne? LOLx... No mood to update la...

See?
My cute cute baby... xD
Her name is Miru . Sorath . Schiender (米卢。索拉特。使来特) Lovely worx?
Hope my future baby girl also looks like that...
Well, i'll love her even if she isn't xD

O.o My first try at drawing pixel-ised anime.
Suffice to say i sucked big time.
The eyes were an epic fail okx?
And the eyebrows seem to make it worse...
Sighx... I fail at pixel-isation...
But I will jiayou!

Was done during math class yesterday...
I know that i shouldn't...
But class is like super BORING!
Sorry 'cher, its not your fault... but i can't concentrate...
Promise to be guai-er next time!

My 1st pixel master piece...
Hahax, coz i saw rui wei drawing penguin on hers,
And i was so interested, i decided to try out by myself!
And it expanded to what it was today...
LOLx xD
A new FUN thing in my life...
Nowadays, its getting lesser, ESPECIALLY since Yuki has left for home...

The 1st thing that i did when i found out that my graphic calculator has the Text() function...
Hahax, i found out that the 'servant' part seems rather rude nehx...
Hahax... xD but it was fun...

My masterpiece for today... Coz econs class was talking about Xbox n PS3...
So the 1st thing i thought of was Final Fantasy...
Which eventually led to liing saying Tidus is the best...
So i ended up writing 'bishounen heaven'...
Hahax, i seem to have missed quite a few...
Oh well...
=/

------------*********-------------

Hahax, this was the pig that Dino gave me...
Its birthday is on the day we went to watch 'the forbidden city'.
Stupid show... The thing keep switching from chinese to english...
Hahax, it was fun nehx xD quite humourous...
In the end... hmm...
One more soft toy to add to my collection...

My babies...

From left to right: Duckie(Dino), Mutated Kirby(Kaen), Hamtaro(Mummy), Amber(Ms Chang), Bobo(Cherie & Rachel Mei Mei), 小恩(Mine), Eeyore(Liing & Dino), Snow(Cherie & Rachel Mei Mei), BearBear(Kaen)

XD looks like i really don't have a huge collection of soft toys after all hahax...

Out of all these babies... Kirby, eeyore n amber hold the most meaning for me... Not just because they are cute, but they are all given by people i like... Very very much...

XD Kirby n BearBear was my 1st valentine's prezzy xDDD From kaen too... xD Of course i treasure it, coz it holds special meanings for me... Not just because its my first valentine's prezzy, but its also because of all the other 1sts that those 2 babies, and Kaen have come to represent... Thanks! *huggles

Eeyore... Coz they were given by my besties! Even if i was bad tempered, emo, hard-to-understand, irritating at times, mostly worthless... They stuck by my side! And Liing was the 1st one to talk to me when i first came to WSSS... She stuck by me through my up's and down's after that... Even through the times when i was slashing myself... Lurves ya! And Dino... Life would be so different for me now without her... Even though we quarrel and fight... I wouldn't give the friendship up for anything, anything at all! Crap away gurl xD BFF!

And lastly... Amber because... Just because my teacher gave it to me. She believed in me when i doubted myself. When everyone doubted in me. She told me that i could do it. And i did. I didn't want to let her down... So when i got my PSLE results... I wasn't just happy 'coz i did it. No. It was because i didn't let her down! She gave me Amber on that day, and ever since then, she's been my source of support when i am down... Thank you, Ms Chang! And happy 5th Birthday, Amber!

-------------***********-------------

Down the road of memories...
So lost...
I miss you guys,
I miss the times we had...
Most of all...
I miss our friendship...

Remember this stretch of road?
We used to walk it not that long ago...
But it seems like its been forever...
So many things have changed,
So many teachers have left...
So much time is lost...
So many of us has changed...

The only thing left unchanging...
Will be the road, the buildings, the school...

But then again...
One day it may all be gone...
And only what is left...

Are the faded memories of the past...

Will this be gone too...
Faded into my memories?

-----------------***********---------------------

Cute right?
My lil neighbour from next door...
Hahax, poor cat... It hates the camera ne?

Here kitty kitty...

XD They are afraid of the EVIL MAGIC MAN...
DUN WORRY! Juliet Jie Jie will save you!

O.o Zayar xD Hahax, he'd been mistaken by all my classmates to be a girl... He's so feminine!
They like his looks tho...

My friend Jing Wen... Hahax, i think that she can go pursue a career in arts...
She's so good at it!
I wish i was half as good...
HAhax, she's been a good advisor, friend n well... chat buddy...
She's seen me through tough times(read: RV period)
She's laughed and pouted and turned our brains upside down together with me...
What would i do without her?

It is because of her that Yuki is who she is today...
And she has shaped me into a more positive person(read: i think)
And she is one of those people that i will trust with my life.

Thank you, for i do not have many such people in my life...

Bernice, a cute cute senior from WSSS...
Also Liing's Lao Gong...
Hahax, lovely hair...
She's my favourite senior from WSSS...
Wait.. O.o
I only have one favourite senior?!

Liing being super attentive in class...
LOL! its like she's got camera radar or something...
Some of the photos i had to really SQUINT to get...

Our cute cute counsellor Chun n Liing... xD

LOLx, liing looks a lot cuter in glasses, don't cha think?
At least i think so...
And i think a lot of people do too...

*sells on ebay

OMG! THE HANDPHONE VIRUS!
Symptoms: Excessive eyeballing of the handphone, handphone glued to the hand...
If anyone exibits these symptoms, please please please call:

1800-handphone-virus-alert
Thank YOU!

------------*************---------------

The item used from the filming of the GP vid...
Was tough and tiring.. But overall...
I enjoyed myself...

And that's saying a lot.

LOLx, 4B's 'sotong... xD saw him today...
Missed him along with the entire 4B of coz...
Hahax... Sotong is still so cute...
Don't depress, sotong!
Jiayou!

Liing yesterday... She talk like people owe her money like that...

More like someone owes her ferrero rocher...
LOLX... Tiing was with us also...

Not going to explain this pic... u can see on your own ne? unless you're blind...

-------------***********---------------------

Really, really feeling broken deep down inside lerx...

Don't know why...
I feel like i'm turning into something that i hate...

I'm turning bad...
Turning rotten on the inside...

Everyday i feel like i'm doing something wrong...
And everyday i feel like i want to die...

Each night i go to sleep crying...
I wake up with tears on my face,
In my pillow...

I don't feel like doing anything...
Or talk to anyone...

But i know i can't...
I don't want to deal with anymore of this...

I don't want to take on anymore problems that is not mine...
I don't want to feel this way anymore...

Too many problems...
Not enough me to solve them...

Not enough Kos' to share...
Not enough Yukis' to entertain....

Not enough...
And still there's so much...
So much more...

fallenINlove*with IVAN & WANG YAO @ 3:49 AM